This is from a work by Susie and Otto Collins "How to release past hurts and betrayals in order to gain more trust in your relationship"
I took the liberty of editing the second portion into a form that seems clearer to me, and I hope to you as well. - Leo, earthdate 80711.6
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Here are some ideas that have helped many to heal past hurts and to creat more trust, deeper love and relationship connections.
1. Recognize when you are triggered and
carried into the past. Ask yourself if your
anger, withdrawal or other emotions that happen when you are triggered is magnified by something that happened in
your past or may even be totally from your
past.
In other words, can you identify whether
you were triggered entirely by present events or is your
reaction mostly from what happened
in your past?
2. Identify your thoughts and fears and
question them. You may have heard the
saying that fear is False Evidence Appearing
Real. We suggest that you write your
thoughts and fears on paper and then
question their truth in your current life.
3.Identify if your reactions or fears are past or present. Ask your partner for a clarification about
what triggered you before you reacted.
Ask with curiosity, not blame.
4. When you are triggered, practice discernment. Create ways to
differentiate between past partners and your current one. Is your current partner actually "doing" something or only treating you as someone in your past would have treated you?
Ask yourself: How is my current partner and situation different from that of the passed partner and situation? Then, find evidence that supports this difference.
You might even keep this "evidence" on
a note card where you will see it often.
5. Remind yourself, "that was then
and this is now." You are not the person
you were then and although you may feel
there are some similarities with your
current partner, remind yourself that you
can make different choices, NOW.
You can make those choices not from
fear, but from what you want more of.
You can choose to focus on what you
want and not on what you don't want--
and look for evidence that it's there.
That's not to say that you close your
eyes to harmful patterns that are
actually repeating in your life.
But it is saying that you look at what's
happening in your present life with honesty
and curiosity and not staying stuck in past
emotions.
Don't allow your past to create your
present and future.
